A Tribute to my Safety Net

Shauna, 

Because of You:

I never go far to laugh.

I always can adjust.

I never feel alone.

You helped me learn to trust.

Zac,

Because of You:

I never have to worry.

I always count on you.

I never feel unsafe.

You take away the blues.

Russ,

Because of You:

I never do the minimum

I always continue on.

I never live in the past.

You taught me to move on.

Mom,

Because of You:

I never have to lie,

I always ask you first.

I get the best advice,

You take away the worst.

Dad,

Because of You:

I never take life too serious,

I always do my best.

I never run from consequence

You taught me self-respect.

And so,

Because of You:

I never ignore your help,

I always want you here.

I never fear the future,

As long as you stay near.

Your Relationship Advice 101: How To Ditch A Creeper

Your Relationship Advice 101: How To Ditch A Creeper: "Hey Line, how's your life? Doin' well? Yeah? Sweet. Havin' a good summer? Good. Soooo today we're gonna talk about parties, and phon..."

How To Ditch A Creeper

Hey Line,
how's your life?
Doin' well?
Yeah?
Sweet.
Havin' a good summer?
Good.
Soooo today we're gonna talk about parties,
and phone numbers,
and how to NOT give yours to someone.
Also how to get that weird kid to leave you alone.
Yeah,
you know the guy/girl.
They're either:
A) The big creeper trying to grind on you,
in ways that are so inappropriate you grandmother would have a heart attack upon seeing such.
B) The sloppy drunk who thinks they're SUUUUPPPPERRRRR cute,
and who, the next morning, will tell all his/her friends "OMG I was just soooooo wasted last night" *giggle.
C) Some poor guy/girl who is actually nice enough but you're really not interested
and honestly,
you're just out of their league.
Yeah I said it,
and usually this person is the hardest to deny because you might feel like a jerk doing so,
because they're a decent person,
maybe even nice,
but sometimes decent or nice doesn't cut it.
SO here are my top five favorite strategies for getting rid of A, B and C.

1) Tell them you have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
2) Fake an injury and run away.
3) Stare at them without moving until they walk/run away. (You really have to commit to this one. It could take hours depending on their creep level)
4) Tell them you're allergic to them and start sneezing profusely.
Excuse yourself to find a tissue.
5) Text your friend and have them save you.

For strategy #5, it helps to have a code.
Prior to going out,
tell your friends that if you text them "X"
they need to either call you crying in need of your full undivided attention,
which will give you the excuse to leave. (You're only being a good friend)
or if they're there with you,
a code word.
Something that isn't an obvious cry for "dear God get me away from this freak"
but that gets the point across
and that won't be said accidentally.
I like to use song reference.
"Oh yeah (to creepy dude) that's funny, my bestie and I (nudge friend) just love the song "HELP" (emphasize it. Go on) by the Beatles. Great song..."
This is his/her que to pull you both away.

So Line,
there you have it.
How to ditch a creeper (Or a normal person who's just trying too hard) at a party.
Use them wisely.
Try not to hurt anyone's feelings without justification.
Keep it real and party safe :)
Got your back,
Bee.

Confidence: Your Pre-Party Pep talk

Stop it.
Stop it right now.
You know what you're doing.
You're looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Yeah you.
I caught you.
It's easy to see ya know.
It's more of a vibe really.
You're the one at the party
who's scoping the room,
looking for the hottie to claim
for longer than the night.
Well here's the thing.
Most hotties in college are not looking to be claimed.
If you're hot,
you have options.
It is what it is.
And if someone has options,
then you need to prove why you are their best one.
One of the best ways to do this,
is to have options yourself.
Once again,
it's the vibe thing.
When you're not looking for someone
you have a certain style about you.
Not fashion style. (But it helps)
You appear not to need anyone
and the best thing
is that you appear to be happy as is.
You appear confident.
Confidence is the single most attractive thing about anyone.
Hands down.
Just be confident.
Yeah I know,
easier said than done.
But here's the thing,
confidence is not that hard to find.
If you honestly can't list 5 great things about yourself,
then have someone else do it for you.
Hell I'll do it for you.
I could spend 5 minutes with a person
and even if I didn't like them
I bet I could list five things that were cool or attractive about them.
Smart?
Funny?
Pretty eyes?
Really good at WOW?
Fantastic organizer?
Great with kids?
Compassionate person?
Come on,
find yourself somewhere here.
The biggest thing about confidence,
is that sometimes you have to fake it. (sometimes faking it is the best solution for a situation. You know this.)
Fake it 'til you make it.
Sound familiar?
Same idea.
If you pretend you are the shit,
then other people are going to believe it.
After all,
you know you best.
You're your own best judge of character.
Before you go out to that party,
look at yourself in the mirror
and list 5 cool/attractvei/different things about yourself.
No on else at the party will have those things going for them.
You're better than them.
THEY are lucky to be talking to YOU.
You're not looking for anyone.
You've got options.
You're the shit.
You know it.
Everyone else knows it.
Go get em tiger.
Bee.

XXX Went from "In A Relationship" to "Single"

Recently,
my Facebook has BLOWN UP with relationship status changes.
Like,
WHOA.
Last week I counted 14 people on my news feed who are now single.
Granted I'm one of them,
but let's talk about it.
This is awesome!
Congratulations to everyone who got to change that status!
Bet you didn't see that coming...
Unless you've been following from the beginning,
in which you're not even a little surprised at my excitement for the newfound independence.
Yes,
being sad about it is certainly okay.
In fact,
it's important.
You have to go through the five stages of loss (This has been adapted from the five stages of Grief, formerly used for coping with the death of a loved one)
before you can be entirely over the relationship.
This might take time.
Here are the 5 stages.
See if you can find the spot you're in:

1) Denial and Isolation- At first, we tend to deny that the breakup has occurred. We'll tell ourselves "No, he/she didn't mean that... They'll call me in a few hours apologizing..."
Unfortunately,
they DID mean it,
and they're NOT going to call you and apologize.
Sorry.
During this stage of denial,
typically we withdraw from our social groups
and isolate ourselves.
Sometimes it's because you don't need reminder that your ex isn't going to be there with you,
and sometimes it's because you just can't face anyone to tell them the news,
because maybe he/she will change their mind...
 Sorry again...
They won't.

2) Anger- During this stage, we often feel angry or bitter for having been hurt.
SOMETIMES we actually lash out at him/her,
and EVERY time we'll want to.
It's only natural to feel this way.
You trusted them with your heart and they crushed it.
You can be angry for a little while.
It feels better than the sadness anyway.
BUT,
don't hold onto it too long,
because eventually it'll get old.
You don't want to be the bitter ex.
It's just not attractive.

3) Bargaining- This can go two ways.
We can begin by bargaining with a higher power in hopes to take away the pain.
for example, it might go a little like this, "If I donate this money to the shelter then he/she will love me again." or "If I turn the doorknob five times to the left, then five to the right, he/she will call me in 5 minutes."
Be careful with this.
Make sure it doesn't become an OCD habit.

4) Depression- This stage SUCKS.
It hurts the most.
At this point, your friends are a little worried about you.
You might skip class or work because you just can't bring yourself to get out of bed.
It's almost a feeling of numbness.
You may still feel a little anger or sadness,
but you're mostly indifferent to life around you.
I know this is a tough place to be,
but do NOT stay in it for too long.
It's the most dangerous place to be.
You may not want to,
but try to get out and do something.
Even going for a walk will be helpful.

5) Acceptance- This stage is when the bitterness, sadness and mourning has sort of tapered off.
You're no longer obsessing about their call.
You don't hate them.
You don't cry yourself to sleep.
You're just you.
But a better you.
A stronger you.
Your standards stay high,
because you know you're worth it.
Don't forget that.
You're worth it.
And while your going through these five stages,
just know that it always gets better.
You will feel better as the days go on.
Sure,
there might be a few days where you feel worse than before,
but that's temporary.
That's life.
It'll get better.
I promise.
Stay strong.
Much love,
Bee.

Can I Have Yo Numba?

Alright Line,
You asked and you shall receive :)
Today's topic is going to be:
How to get someone's number,
without being creepy, vulgar or drunk (often a combination of the first two).


Tip number 1:Be confident. 


I know, this sounds simple, but really. It works.
I know,
it's much easier said than done.
Yeah, it's near impossible to walk up to a girl/guy
without having at least a little bit of fear (if not a LOT) of being rejected.
But,
luckily the object of your affection doesn't have X-Ray vision.
They can't see that your heart is beating at a million miles per hour.
So,
with this in mind...
Just fake it.
Don't let them know that you want to run away because you're completely intimidated by them.
Just be confident,
and know that you're worth just as much as they are.


Tip number 2: Confident doesn't mean arrogant. 

You can approach someone with a smile and strike up a conversation
without starting off with:
"Well today is your lucky day, because today is the day I'm going to talk to YOU."
Gross.
Don't be that person.


Tip number 3: Be interesting.

It's much easier to start and maintain a conversation with someone
if you actually have something intelligent to say.
No.
Don't recite the theory of relativity. (Okay, some might consider it interesting.)
But unless you're trying to impress a physics major (and even then, I wouldn't start with this)
It's not a relevant topic.
And you will seem weird.
Very weird.


Tip number 4: Be conveniently in the same area as them.

But not in a creepy way.
Hopefully, you have a class with this person or are around them somehow.
If you're stalking someone,
stop reading now and go to therapy.
Seriously.
Watching someone through their window is only acceptable in movies.
Sometimes.


Tip number 5: Find common ground.

If you can share something with this person,
it will make you two closer,
regardless of what it is you share.
You both love Blink 182?
Perfect.
How do you know you both love Blink 182?

Scenario 1-
They walk in to class with headphones on blasting "Girl At The Rock Show."
You notice.
Glance at them and smile.
Odds are they'll smile back.
When they take their headphones out,
say something along the lines of:
 "Great song."
They'll respond.
Bam. Conversation started.

 Scenario 2-
You're behind the cutie in line at Starbucks and they order a double tall vanilla latte with soy.
What a coincidence,
that's been your favorite drink since,
oh, I don't know,
5 seconds ago?
I'm not saying lie.
I'm only suggesting that perhaps you try this new drink and find yourself a fan of it.
Back to the situation.
You order the same thing.
When you're both standing by the counter waiting for your order,
make a comment such as:
"perfect choice of drink," and smile.
In case you didn't catch on,
complimenting works,
as long as it's genuine. (a little contradictory to changing your drink choice based upon someone else, I know. But hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.)


Finally,
once you've started your conversation with this person,
and established mutual ground,
go in for the goal.
Get.
Their.
Numbaa.

The best way to ask for it,
is to be casual.
It's not a big deal.
"hey, we should hang out sometime"
"hey, do you want to study for the next test together?"
"Hey we should totally go get coffee sometime."
They will respond.
If they say no,
they are a jerk or unavailable.
In this case,
just let it go.
You'll find someone better.
But,
if they say yes,
your response will be a little something like this:
"Awesome, what's your number?"
Just.
Like.
That.

Good luck Line.
Everyone runs the risk of being rejected.
But if you never try,
you'll never succeed.
Got your back :]
Bee

What Are You Searching For?

Sorry it's been so long,
School has gotten crazy.
Let's do a quick check in.
How are you?
How are your relationships?
Are they going in the direction you want them to go?
If they are,
Great!
If not,
let's talk about it.
Why is it that sometimes we fall for someone who doesn't seem to return our feelings?
Well,
there are a few answers to that.
It also depends on the kind of person you are.
Are you a "fixer?"
Are you that person who picks someone who has issues because you have a problem solving complex?
It's okay if you are.
We all have our thing.
Or maybe you're the person who just wants someone,
anyone,
to love them.
Are you that person?
The problem with being that person,
is that you might often choose someone who is not a good person for you.
The good thing with this is that you're not overly picky...
I guess that can be seen as a good thing.
We all have our place.
Everyone's gotta be something.
But what if you're the person who chooses someone who is unavailable to you
simply because you like the thrill of the chase?
You might honestly not even really like them,
they've simply sparked your interest only because you can't have them.
Then again,
what if you truly care about them?
This type of person is often very competitive.
They're very driven.
They're talkers.
They're doers.
They get what they want.
And if they don't get what they want,
they will either pursue harder (hence the chasing method)
or they will walk away as if it doesn't even phase them.
This person is overly proud.
They're often quite arrogant.
Now wait a second,
I'm not just bashing on anyone.
I can say these things because I'm this type of person.
I almost always want what I can't have.
I'm not satisfied with mediocrity.
Best is best.
The problem with being this person,
is that you're NEVER SATISFIED.
So you got what you want.
Now what?
Onto the next.
That's what.
Constantly chasing the new shiny object on the horizon.
If you're identifying with this category of person,
perhaps we should work on it.
This is not a good way to live your life.
You can't always be looking for something/someone new.
You have to learn to be happy with what you have.
I'm not saying settle for anything less than you deserve.
I'm saying once you've found it,
stick with it.
Keep it.
Don't let it go.
You're all smart Line.
Make good decisions
and do what's best for you
and your heart.
Love when you have the opportunity to love.
As always,
I got your back.
Love you all.
Bee.

Love, Standards and a Lesson on Consideration

I'm independent.
It's my thing.
Just ask any friend of mine,
or even someone who's known me for a day.
I like to do my own thing
and I don't need a boy around to be happy.
In fact,
I'm happier without one
because usually,
there's lots around.
No no no wait.
I'm not being arrogant.
Any single person knows this,
flirting is fun.
BUT
I think something which separates me from many,
is that I don't go farther than flirting.
I don't need to.
Having this ability to just flirt is like the best secret weapon of all.
Well,
I suppose it's not a secret anymore.
But hey,
if you're single,
you know this...
Or you should know this little thing I'm about to tell you..
Always leave them wanting more.
If someone can get everything from you that they could get from a bf/gf
and you're not their bf/gf
then you're probably not gonna be.
Why would you?
Why would they make you into their one and only if they already get everything they need from you?
Physically and emotionally.
Don't be so eager.
Hang back a little bit.
If they call you and you always pick up immediately,
maybe next time
don't.
If you text them every minute every day
and they only sometimes text you back,
maybe next time
you shouldn't.
Don't be there for someone who won't be there for you.
You know one of the most important traits in a relationship?
Consideration.
Not being taken for granted.
So you're always waiting on their call to tell you they're available to hang out?
Please.
You're already busy.
You don't need to wait around for someone else.
Now,
this advice is all sound and such,
but make sure they know how you're feeling.
Make sure they're aware that you feel like you give more than you get.
Successful relationships should be 50/50
not 75/25.
Don't put up for someone who doesn't respect you and value your time.
You're an awesome person,
if the one you're with doesn't realize it,
then it's their loss.
Sorry,
you just moved on.
Keep your head and your standards up line.
Got your back.
Happy to help,
Bee.

Love Shouldn't Hurt Like That.

It takes a lot to love a person.
It's inconvenient,
and painful.
No matter what.
BUT...
Turns out
it's usually worth it
because while that love gets in your way and sometimes hurts,
it still makes your day when
you know that they're thinking about you
and can't wait to see you later
and you can tell them all about your day...
However,
what happens when someone you love
starts hurting you too much?
When the person you adore
and thought adored you
no longer shares their day with you,
or calls just to say they love you,
or leaves a bruise...
It's really hard to admit it sometimes
when a relationship that used to be amazing
has lost its love.
When someone physically hurts you,
it's not love.
They didn't just"lose their cool".
They say they'll never ever do it again.
False.
You have the new bruise to prove it.
And even if it did only happen once,
statistics show that won't be the only time,
and why would you want to risk that?
Why risk your heart
and your body
and your spirit
to that kind of abuse?
You are so much better.
You're worth all the love in the world
and you should try to find it,
far away from a person who hurts you.
Because you won't find it there.
They don't love you.
And you don't need them.
Many will love you
and will never do anything
but try to make you smile.
That's where you want to be.
With that person.
It's not impossible to find them.
It only takes time.
Don't stay with an abuser.
Love yourself.
You're incredible.
You're strong.
You are in control of your own life.
Find support and love
and use your strength.
You're worth it
and everyone who loves you
thinks so too.
Always here for you.
Love,
Bee.

Confusion Answered.

Okay.
I know I've been completely infrequent with my posts,
and I apologize for that.
BUT
The reason for this is because
I've been out there learning and making mistakes,
in order to give you the feedback you like :]
I'm about to pour my heart out on this one,
so stay with me.
I'm no longer confused about how to act or react.
I have a solid answer.
Which is exactly what I wanted...
Now, was the substance of the answer I got
exactly what I wanted?
Well,
at first I didn't think it was.
At first,
I was kinda upset about it.
Upset that he didn't like me enough to become something more.
BUT
after thinking about it,
that what I always want.
I have never been the girl who wanted a boyfriend,
I've never wanted to be stuck with one person,
so why did I confuse myself this time?
Well,
to be honest
it's probably because I genuinely liked him.
But that's beyond the point.
I think the reason I was prepared to commit so quickly
was because all of my friends told me I was supposed to.
No really,
anyone that knows me,
knows I'm not the relationship girl.
I'm a flirt.
I like to have fun.
Commitment scares me.
I lost track of who I was for a few weeks.
There's the key words there:
"few weeks."
I had only known this guy for like 20 days.
That is an outrageous amount of time for me to:
meet boy.
fall for boy.
date boy.
want to COMMIT to boy.
20 days!
Wow. wow. wow.
That is just not like me at all.
And now I remember that.
Yeah,
it still hurts a little to know I won't see him again,
but most likely it's for the best.
Maybe in a few years
we'll both be the single ones in our groups of friends
and we'll meet again.
Maybe we'll be more grown up
and ready for relationships.
Maybe I'll never see him again...
But one thing is for sure,
I learned from it
and it was fun while it lasted,
because we were a pretty good match.
Keep your smile and your guard up line,
both will get you where you want to be.
Happy to help.
Bee <3