Confidence: Your Pre-Party Pep talk

Stop it.
Stop it right now.
You know what you're doing.
You're looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Yeah you.
I caught you.
It's easy to see ya know.
It's more of a vibe really.
You're the one at the party
who's scoping the room,
looking for the hottie to claim
for longer than the night.
Well here's the thing.
Most hotties in college are not looking to be claimed.
If you're hot,
you have options.
It is what it is.
And if someone has options,
then you need to prove why you are their best one.
One of the best ways to do this,
is to have options yourself.
Once again,
it's the vibe thing.
When you're not looking for someone
you have a certain style about you.
Not fashion style. (But it helps)
You appear not to need anyone
and the best thing
is that you appear to be happy as is.
You appear confident.
Confidence is the single most attractive thing about anyone.
Hands down.
Just be confident.
Yeah I know,
easier said than done.
But here's the thing,
confidence is not that hard to find.
If you honestly can't list 5 great things about yourself,
then have someone else do it for you.
Hell I'll do it for you.
I could spend 5 minutes with a person
and even if I didn't like them
I bet I could list five things that were cool or attractive about them.
Smart?
Funny?
Pretty eyes?
Really good at WOW?
Fantastic organizer?
Great with kids?
Compassionate person?
Come on,
find yourself somewhere here.
The biggest thing about confidence,
is that sometimes you have to fake it. (sometimes faking it is the best solution for a situation. You know this.)
Fake it 'til you make it.
Sound familiar?
Same idea.
If you pretend you are the shit,
then other people are going to believe it.
After all,
you know you best.
You're your own best judge of character.
Before you go out to that party,
look at yourself in the mirror
and list 5 cool/attractvei/different things about yourself.
No on else at the party will have those things going for them.
You're better than them.
THEY are lucky to be talking to YOU.
You're not looking for anyone.
You've got options.
You're the shit.
You know it.
Everyone else knows it.
Go get em tiger.
Bee.

XXX Went from "In A Relationship" to "Single"

Recently,
my Facebook has BLOWN UP with relationship status changes.
Like,
WHOA.
Last week I counted 14 people on my news feed who are now single.
Granted I'm one of them,
but let's talk about it.
This is awesome!
Congratulations to everyone who got to change that status!
Bet you didn't see that coming...
Unless you've been following from the beginning,
in which you're not even a little surprised at my excitement for the newfound independence.
Yes,
being sad about it is certainly okay.
In fact,
it's important.
You have to go through the five stages of loss (This has been adapted from the five stages of Grief, formerly used for coping with the death of a loved one)
before you can be entirely over the relationship.
This might take time.
Here are the 5 stages.
See if you can find the spot you're in:

1) Denial and Isolation- At first, we tend to deny that the breakup has occurred. We'll tell ourselves "No, he/she didn't mean that... They'll call me in a few hours apologizing..."
Unfortunately,
they DID mean it,
and they're NOT going to call you and apologize.
Sorry.
During this stage of denial,
typically we withdraw from our social groups
and isolate ourselves.
Sometimes it's because you don't need reminder that your ex isn't going to be there with you,
and sometimes it's because you just can't face anyone to tell them the news,
because maybe he/she will change their mind...
 Sorry again...
They won't.

2) Anger- During this stage, we often feel angry or bitter for having been hurt.
SOMETIMES we actually lash out at him/her,
and EVERY time we'll want to.
It's only natural to feel this way.
You trusted them with your heart and they crushed it.
You can be angry for a little while.
It feels better than the sadness anyway.
BUT,
don't hold onto it too long,
because eventually it'll get old.
You don't want to be the bitter ex.
It's just not attractive.

3) Bargaining- This can go two ways.
We can begin by bargaining with a higher power in hopes to take away the pain.
for example, it might go a little like this, "If I donate this money to the shelter then he/she will love me again." or "If I turn the doorknob five times to the left, then five to the right, he/she will call me in 5 minutes."
Be careful with this.
Make sure it doesn't become an OCD habit.

4) Depression- This stage SUCKS.
It hurts the most.
At this point, your friends are a little worried about you.
You might skip class or work because you just can't bring yourself to get out of bed.
It's almost a feeling of numbness.
You may still feel a little anger or sadness,
but you're mostly indifferent to life around you.
I know this is a tough place to be,
but do NOT stay in it for too long.
It's the most dangerous place to be.
You may not want to,
but try to get out and do something.
Even going for a walk will be helpful.

5) Acceptance- This stage is when the bitterness, sadness and mourning has sort of tapered off.
You're no longer obsessing about their call.
You don't hate them.
You don't cry yourself to sleep.
You're just you.
But a better you.
A stronger you.
Your standards stay high,
because you know you're worth it.
Don't forget that.
You're worth it.
And while your going through these five stages,
just know that it always gets better.
You will feel better as the days go on.
Sure,
there might be a few days where you feel worse than before,
but that's temporary.
That's life.
It'll get better.
I promise.
Stay strong.
Much love,
Bee.