The Other Child, Dear Mom.

You always adored the elusive one.

Because someone in your life taught you 
Love must be chased 
Not freely given. 

His aloofness is more 
Valuable 
Because his affection is 
Withheld. 

Someone in your life taught you that 
Your value is measured 
By the attention you can grasp. 
Not by kindness that is consistent, 
Unwavering. 

You seek 
And struggle 
And grasp for acknowledgement 
From those not interested in yours. 

You take for granted the love you're given 
Because if it's free 
it has no worth. 

Yes. 
Only the love that hurts 
Is the love that holds true value. 

After all
Nothing is free. 

True love

A Tribute to my Safety Net

Shauna, 

Because of You:

I never go far to laugh.

I always can adjust.

I never feel alone.

You helped me learn to trust.

Zac,

Because of You:

I never have to worry.

I always count on you.

I never feel unsafe.

You take away the blues.

Russ,

Because of You:

I never do the minimum

I always continue on.

I never live in the past.

You taught me to move on.

Mom,

Because of You:

I never have to lie,

I always ask you first.

I get the best advice,

You take away the worst.

Dad,

Because of You:

I never take life too serious,

I always do my best.

I never run from consequence

You taught me self-respect.

And so,

Because of You:

I never ignore your help,

I always want you here.

I never fear the future,

As long as you stay near.

What Are You Searching For?

Sorry it's been so long,
School has gotten crazy.
Let's do a quick check in.
How are you?
How are your relationships?
Are they going in the direction you want them to go?
If they are,
Great!
If not,
let's talk about it.
Why is it that sometimes we fall for someone who doesn't seem to return our feelings?
Well,
there are a few answers to that.
It also depends on the kind of person you are.
Are you a "fixer?"
Are you that person who picks someone who has issues because you have a problem solving complex?
It's okay if you are.
We all have our thing.
Or maybe you're the person who just wants someone,
anyone,
to love them.
Are you that person?
The problem with being that person,
is that you might often choose someone who is not a good person for you.
The good thing with this is that you're not overly picky...
I guess that can be seen as a good thing.
We all have our place.
Everyone's gotta be something.
But what if you're the person who chooses someone who is unavailable to you
simply because you like the thrill of the chase?
You might honestly not even really like them,
they've simply sparked your interest only because you can't have them.
Then again,
what if you truly care about them?
This type of person is often very competitive.
They're very driven.
They're talkers.
They're doers.
They get what they want.
And if they don't get what they want,
they will either pursue harder (hence the chasing method)
or they will walk away as if it doesn't even phase them.
This person is overly proud.
They're often quite arrogant.
Now wait a second,
I'm not just bashing on anyone.
I can say these things because I'm this type of person.
I almost always want what I can't have.
I'm not satisfied with mediocrity.
Best is best.
The problem with being this person,
is that you're NEVER SATISFIED.
So you got what you want.
Now what?
Onto the next.
That's what.
Constantly chasing the new shiny object on the horizon.
If you're identifying with this category of person,
perhaps we should work on it.
This is not a good way to live your life.
You can't always be looking for something/someone new.
You have to learn to be happy with what you have.
I'm not saying settle for anything less than you deserve.
I'm saying once you've found it,
stick with it.
Keep it.
Don't let it go.
You're all smart Line.
Make good decisions
and do what's best for you
and your heart.
Love when you have the opportunity to love.
As always,
I got your back.
Love you all.
Bee.

Love, Standards and a Lesson on Consideration

I'm independent.
It's my thing.
Just ask any friend of mine,
or even someone who's known me for a day.
I like to do my own thing
and I don't need a boy around to be happy.
In fact,
I'm happier without one
because usually,
there's lots around.
No no no wait.
I'm not being arrogant.
Any single person knows this,
flirting is fun.
BUT
I think something which separates me from many,
is that I don't go farther than flirting.
I don't need to.
Having this ability to just flirt is like the best secret weapon of all.
Well,
I suppose it's not a secret anymore.
But hey,
if you're single,
you know this...
Or you should know this little thing I'm about to tell you..
Always leave them wanting more.
If someone can get everything from you that they could get from a bf/gf
and you're not their bf/gf
then you're probably not gonna be.
Why would you?
Why would they make you into their one and only if they already get everything they need from you?
Physically and emotionally.
Don't be so eager.
Hang back a little bit.
If they call you and you always pick up immediately,
maybe next time
don't.
If you text them every minute every day
and they only sometimes text you back,
maybe next time
you shouldn't.
Don't be there for someone who won't be there for you.
You know one of the most important traits in a relationship?
Consideration.
Not being taken for granted.
So you're always waiting on their call to tell you they're available to hang out?
Please.
You're already busy.
You don't need to wait around for someone else.
Now,
this advice is all sound and such,
but make sure they know how you're feeling.
Make sure they're aware that you feel like you give more than you get.
Successful relationships should be 50/50
not 75/25.
Don't put up for someone who doesn't respect you and value your time.
You're an awesome person,
if the one you're with doesn't realize it,
then it's their loss.
Sorry,
you just moved on.
Keep your head and your standards up line.
Got your back.
Happy to help,
Bee.

Love Shouldn't Hurt Like That.

It takes a lot to love a person.
It's inconvenient,
and painful.
No matter what.
BUT...
Turns out
it's usually worth it
because while that love gets in your way and sometimes hurts,
it still makes your day when
you know that they're thinking about you
and can't wait to see you later
and you can tell them all about your day...
However,
what happens when someone you love
starts hurting you too much?
When the person you adore
and thought adored you
no longer shares their day with you,
or calls just to say they love you,
or leaves a bruise...
It's really hard to admit it sometimes
when a relationship that used to be amazing
has lost its love.
When someone physically hurts you,
it's not love.
They didn't just"lose their cool".
They say they'll never ever do it again.
False.
You have the new bruise to prove it.
And even if it did only happen once,
statistics show that won't be the only time,
and why would you want to risk that?
Why risk your heart
and your body
and your spirit
to that kind of abuse?
You are so much better.
You're worth all the love in the world
and you should try to find it,
far away from a person who hurts you.
Because you won't find it there.
They don't love you.
And you don't need them.
Many will love you
and will never do anything
but try to make you smile.
That's where you want to be.
With that person.
It's not impossible to find them.
It only takes time.
Don't stay with an abuser.
Love yourself.
You're incredible.
You're strong.
You are in control of your own life.
Find support and love
and use your strength.
You're worth it
and everyone who loves you
thinks so too.
Always here for you.
Love,
Bee.

Two Candy Canes Make a Heart

Oh,
hey there holiday season.
I see you're back again...
Weird how that happens.
Also weird how the holidays are always much nicer
when you have someone you love to share them with.
Yeah,
that's nice.
But I dunno,
isn't having a significant other for the holidays a little overrated?
At LEAST a little cliche...
Right?
Totally...
Who needs a boyfriend/girlfriend when there's mistletoe?
God's own invention to promote kissing various people!
Right?
Yeah...
Being in a relationship during the holidays is ACTUALLY a total disadvantage...
1)You have to buy someone else a present,
which will cause you a lot more grief than just getting a hat for your dad
and jewelry for your mom.
2)You have to make time for someone else,
when you've already got your own schedule to take care of.
3)You're gonna have to hang out with their family,
most likely..
4)What happens when you get into a terrible fight,
two days before Christmas,
and it doesn't get resolved?
Who's Christmas is ruined then?
Yours.
DOWNER.
So maybe you'll have someone to hold hands with,
or to make a snowman,
or to go out,
or laugh with,
or kiss,
or hug.
Oh...
Those things might be nice...
Whoa...
What?
What's happening to me Line?
Is there some possibility in the universe that I'm ACTUALLY prepared to commit to someone?
WHAAATT??
Me??
You're faithfully single Bachelorette?
Nah...
I'm only prepared to commit if the right guy comes along...

Apologies 101

Alright...
So never be a doormat,
that's obvious...
That being said,
don't be a jerk.
Turns out,
sometimes we are jerks.
And we know it.
You know it.
Yeah you do.
Either you get really stressed and snap,
or you're just REALLY REALLY sick of someone.
It just happens.
You yell at them,
or say something so horribly harsh because they aren't grasping that you just want to be left alone.
And then you see it.
The ABSOLUTE hurt that you've caused them.
That was you.
All you.
So it makes sense that the only person who can make it better,
is you.
This is tricky because in some situations with some people,
you need to just let it be for a little while,
then apologize.
Others want an immediate apology.
The problem with an immediate apology is that
A) it's probably not sincere because you're most likely still feeling anger.
B) If you're still angry from the original argument, it's only going to keep bothering you.
However,
if you wait too long,
they may just forget you,
cut you out,
and no longer give a shit about what you have to say.
Pride does bad things for relationships.
So if you did something wrong,
or said something harsh,
give it a day.
Go calm down and brush it off.
Then realize you have to own up to what may have just been your own stress level overflowing,
and they were the unfortunate target.
(They were most likely the target because you feel comfortable enough around them to lose your composure, and know they'll still love/care about you)
So take it easy and step back.
Let the situation die down,
but know you gotta apologize.
And also know that you have to mean your apology.
Everyone can recognize a fake one.
Good luck line.
Keep it in perspective and watch yo temper;)
Happy to help,
Bee.

Love somebody. Or yourself.

I apologize for my absence.
School and work take most of my time...
so does living.
BUT
the good thing about that,
is that now I have plenty to say:]
Let's see.
I think we should talk about dating...
No objections?
Okay good [haha you can't object even if you want to]
Dating is fun.
No really,
hear me out.
A lot of people hate it because it's awkward
and new
and such,
but really,
it's just meeting new people
with the potential of finding love!
Isn't that exciting!?
I know you think that's exciting.
So single is okay.
Yeah?
Yeah!!
You can flirt with whoever you want,
go wherever you want,
no restrictions.
This is your ticket to freedom and happiness!
And through that you'll find MORE happiness when you meet your love!
But it takes time,
we know this.
And being okay with being you is most important. [again, we know this]
Another thing,
yes,
you will date losers.
There's a lot of them out there,
and that's why we date,
to find the best non-loser available.
So don't get discouraged.
Until then,
date around.
Enjoy it.
You only get to do it for so long.
Marriage is forever [or should be thought as such]
so have fun not being married,
and don't forget to love yourself.
Remember,
if you can't love yourself,
how will anyone else?
Right?
;)
Keep in it in perspective line.
Got your back.
<3 Bee.

He Loves Me, She Loves Me Not.

Well.

Well, well, well.

I've got quite a bit to say,

but for once I'm not quite sure where to start.

So i'll get straight to the point.

BOYS: If you like a girl,

and want her to be your girlfriend eventually,

you better let her know you like her.

And you better show it.

GIRLS: If you like a boy and want to be his girlfriend,

YOU better act like it, but be a little more reserved until you're positive he feels the same way.

Don't doodle your names in hearts on your notebook.

He'll pull the crazy card on you then.

Do these statements seem unfair and sexist?

Yep.

But am I right?

Yep.

Dudes don't want a crazy who they don't have to fight a little for.

Girls don't like passive jerks, OR overly clingy guys.

That's just life,

minus the exceptions.

So today,

BOYS if you like her,

MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS BEFORE SHE MOVES ON.

Yes, I am talking to you.

and GIRLS if you like him,

don't stress.

If the feeling is mutual he will make it happen.

That's all.

Get to gettin'.

Love you all.

Bee.

One Night Stands.

98 percent of the time that's all they are.
ONE.
NIGHT.
Ouch.
That hurts a lot doesn't it?
I know, it does.
Especially when you're the one hoping that maybe this means they like you as much as you like them.
They don't.
Especially if there's alcohol involved.
If they can't make a move when they're sober,
it's because they don't want the responsibility of actually making a relationship.
They're probably attracted to you,
but they don't genuinely care about you.
If they truly cared about you
they would make sure you knew it.
They'd have the guts to treat you well when they're sober in the daytime.
Let's be honest,
they're probably a really insecure person. [That's where the alcohol comes into play]
Alcohol is a big COP OUT btw.
It blows cuz you like them,
and thought that maybe they'd finally realize that you rock
and should be together...
But if they actually realized that,
you'd know it at 3:00 PM on any Wednesday,
under the influence of nothing.
When they hook up with you at night
and don't act the same in the morning,
it time to move on.
Get outta there,
and don't look back.
This is something you really have to be strong on.
Do NOT let it turn into a habit.
It was a mistake,
and it can always be that ONE mistake,
but if it happens again you can only blame yourself.
Don't let them fool you.
Don't be their booty call,
it'll only make you feel bad about yourself.
You deserve someone who will treat you well.
Don't worry,
most people have been here,
you're not alone.
Just recognize that you are better than this.
You don't want someone that insecure and immature anyway.
Lots of love to you Line,
just keepin' it in perspective.
As always, happy to help.
Bee

Math Equations and Exes.

So...
The last post ended badly...
I ruptured my eardrum on the plane...
It hurt.
Real bad.
But anyway I'm okay now
and on medication and stuff.
Back to the relationship advice stuff.
Let's go over Ex advice,
since almost everyone has one.

First off:
If you and your significant other just split up, I'm sorry because it hurts.

Now:
I know it may be hard, but you have to cut off connection with them.
Yes, you can "still be friends", but not right now.
When you've just separated from someone,
maintaining contact will only make the situation worse for you both.
Don't drag it out.
Later on you can be friends,
right now you're exes.
Getting over someone you loved takes time.
There's an equation that will give you a rough estimate of how much time it will take you to get over them.
Basically it's like this:
X/2= :)

AKA The time you were dating them, divided by two, will give you the amount of time it will take you to be over them, at the greatest.

So say I date someone for 5 months, then we break up. It will take me 2.5 months AT MOST to be over them. Usually you're over them before that time.

BUT, the only way to get over them, is to not be around them or talk to them.
Your heart needs time to heal
and your brain needs to remember how to be without them again.
Erase them from your phone.
That way you're not tempted to call or text them.
Unless they did something terrible, erasing them from your Facebook is unnecessary because it can cause drama.
However if they cheated on you or did something bad,
erase away!
However,
You don't want to constantly look at their page,
so if you don't want to erase them,
then hide them from your news feed.
That way when they put up a picture with a new person,
you don't go stalk their page. [Note: Avoid looking at their page. Facebook is the NUMBER 1 cause of break-ups in America. It makes people jump to conclusions]
If they contact you and it was a mutual or a clean break-up,
You can politely say you both need space and time away from each other.
Tell them you will contact them when you're ready to be friends again.
If they contact you begging for you back after they cheated on you,
ignore them.
Block them.
Once a cheater,
always a cheater.
You gotta protect yourself line.
Keepin' it in perspective.
Happy to help:]
Bee

Relationships: For All The Right Reasons.

Okay.
So you want a boyfriend/girlfriend?
I'll help you do this,
but first I need to ask you a legit question...
Why?
Why do you want a significant other?
Is it so they can complete you?
So you can have someone to lean on?
So you can stop playing Frisbee all by yourself? [If this is your reason, get a dog.]
Seriously though,
you have to ask yourself why you think you need someone else?
You've gotta learn to be happy by yourself,
because if your happiness relies on someone else,
what happens when that someone is gone?
Nothing lasts forever.
You've gotta go into every relationship knowing that.
If you're considering becoming someone else's "significant other",
I hope it's for the right reasons.
Reasons like:
They care for you over everyone.
They have your best interest at heart.
They like that when you're driving together you sing like a tone deaf loser. [Okay, they may not exactly "like" this, but they can tolerate it and laugh with you about it]
They make you laugh.
They get you.
You WANT to, but don't NEED to.
Those are reasons for being in a relationship,
not just to have someone to hang out with when you're lonely.
Do this for me:
Go do something all by yourself,
once a week.
Pretty soon you'll be able to appreciate yourself.
Because if you never learn to love you,
how are others going to?
Just keeping it in perspective.
Happy to help.

Bee.

Love is a Dangerous Thing.

Just finished my biology final.
Now I literally never have to take a science again in my entire college life.
Assuming I didn't fail the class.
Pretty stoked about that:]
I didn't want to take this class,
but I figured it's better to just
get it done and
do what you gotta do.
No matter if it's fun or not,
because trust me,
a 10 week course compacted into 4 weeks is really not fun.
But that's just the way things are.
Sometimes you have to just close your eyes
and hold your breath,
and trust that you're gonna get through something.
Like breakups.
They really
really
really
hurt.
Seriously,
it's like your world just crashed down
when you break up with someone who you loved,
or thought you loved
or thought you'd be with forever,
or all three.
People dying from foreign diseases seem to have it easier than you
because you're dying of a broken heart.
Unless you're 80 years old and had been with your love all your life,
this probably isn't the case.
It's ok to feel like it is,
at least for a while.
You have to let yourself be upset,
for a while.
Everything must run it's course.
Just know that it will get better,
it always does,
even if it feels like your heart is smashed.
And if you feel that way,
I am sorry for you
because that really is the worst feeling.
Love is a dangerous thing,
because you can never be entirely stable with it.
There's always the risk of getting hurt.
But when you're not hurt,
isn't it the best thing in the world?
You will love again Line,
just let it heal.
And know that from every heart break,
you're closer to finding the one who won't hurt you.
Just keeping it in perspective.
Happy to help:]
Bee.

Day 2, Slashing Tires and Relationship Advice.

Wellll.
Nothing cool happened today.
So, I'm gonna default with some more tips in Bee's Guide to Not Sucking at Life.
Let's pick a topic.
It has to be a good one.
Interesting and relevent...
Let's talk about relationships.
Not the one you have with your dog or Mom.
The one with your boyfriend/girlfriend/wanna be significant other.
I have a few friends who are going through a tough time because they're into someone who doesn't return the feelings.
This totally blows obviously, but sometimes you gotta realize that
they're just not into you.
And when they're not into you,
don't bother.
You can't force someone to like you and definitely not to love you.
And honestly, you shouldn't want to.
You want someone who thinks you are the best person they've ever met.
The someone who will bring you orange juice when you're sick
and not make fun of you for liking that stupid tv show. [alright, they'll tease a little, but just cuz they like having fun with you]
And if you happen to find this someone and it turns out they decide they're looking for a different someone you can do 1 of 2 things.
Be all upset and angry about it, slash their tires, spread rumors about their stamina and std records and hate them.
OR
Recognize that it just wasn't meant to be and keep looking.
This is hard to do. [mostly because #1 sounds so appealing]
Another thing to think about is that sometimes it's no one's fault.
Sometimes it's just not working.
Sometimes it's you.
Then again sometimes it's all they're fault and they really are a jerk.
And you know, it's ok to feel this way.
Especially if it makes it easier for you to get over them. [usually it does]
BUT make sure not to be a jerk to someone who doesn't deserve it.
One more thing.
If you keep running into the same problem with every person you date,
you should probably take a look at yourself,
because maybe it's you.
Just keepin it in perpective Line.
Got your back.

Happy to help,

Bee